For Carol

Dia De Los Muertos

Today is the Day of the Dead which, according to wikipedia, is a day with an emphasis on celebrating and honoring the lives of the deceased, and celebrating the continuation of life; the belief is not that death is the end, but rather the beginning of a new stage in life.

And today is the day it finally arrived... To Do List Book

"So...how did you get into Acupuncture?"

This is my Mom Carol. She was beautiful and she was kind.

Years ago, Carol's mind began to kind of just...wander off. It happened slowly. After a while she couldn't operate a coffee machine, she couldn't drive, she couldn't do a whole lot of very simple things. But denial overshadowed Carol's first diagnosis of Dementia in 1998. Finally, in March 2001, the unavoidable diagnosis…Early Onset Alzheimer's. I enrolled in a four year Masters program in Traditional Chinese Medicine and my Dad and I settled in for the slow, sad decline.

We weathered a variety of horrors. Never mind the washing, the dressing, the feeding, and the incontinence, the other stuff...the hallucinations, fear and sadness...that was hard. But then again, Carol was also at times amazing and sweet, patient and wise. She really taught me a lot. She taught me patience, to be gentle, to listen and to be still in the face of illness.

I am grateful for the time I had taking care of my Mother. The experience continues to enrich my life as a healer and as a person.

Serendipity.

It has been one year since Carol passed away and it's been an amazing day. All morning I dug dusty boxes of china out of storage to take to my new home. It's been quite a year...I'm beginning a new life of my own. Me and Bob then did yard work, clearing away old broken bricks, moving pots, planting grass. We've been "celebrating" Mommies passing in our own quite way.

Yesterday we finally got the results back from Carol's autopsy. She definitely had Alzheimer's disease...they did not find evidence of Lewy Bodies disease. We're pleased to have closure. We also take pride in the fact that Carol's donation has helped research move closer to an end to this sadness.

While taking a break from the day outside, I received an amazing email. Weeks ago I stumbled upon a To Do List Blog. I emailed the publisher something I fould that Carol wrote. Today she emailed me back and told me that not only did she like her list but that she may be interested in including it in an upcoming book of To Do lists! Amazing.

Thanks to all that have been there in the past, are here in the present and to those who will come in the future. More posts coming soon...wellness info, herbs, prevention and hope.

Short Film

Please be patient while the film loads.  It is approx. 14 minutes long, and may take some time before it starts.  Make sure to turn on your speakers, as there is musical accompaniment. Short Film

Services for Carol

Services were held for Carol on Sunday May 15, 2005 at the Montecito Memorial Park. It was a beautiful day with beautiful speeches, wonderful songs and a full house.

Carol would have blushed from all that loving attention.

Thanks to all for being there...

Chris's message

Why is my Mother so special? Growing up, she made sure I had everything I needed in life to succeed. She made sure I experienced different things like sports, exotic foods, new languages and distant lands...all the while with a smile and a gentle kiss.

Near the end she was still cracking jokes with fish lips and winks.

I love you Mom. - Chris

10 Things

I spent a lot of time with my Mom in the last few years and occasionally I'd try to get her to talk about things a bit more challenging than what we were going to cook for dinner that night. I did this for two reasons: A. I wanted to try to gage her level of cognitive function, how fast/slow it was declining, etc., and B. I knew this would be my last chance to find out more about how my Mom ticked and what she really thought about.

Here are 10 things about my Mom I learned:
1. My Mom did not believe in Heaven but did believe in God.
2. She was thrilled about the prospect of donating her organs to science.
3. She was proud of me and my brother.
4. She knew without question that my Dad had integrity.
5. That she would have loved to be Mummified if she could because she was totally into Egyptology.
6. She hated coconut.
7. She never worried about herself and always put others first.
8. She didn't like to watch TV but liked the History Channel.
9. She liked an impressive collection of eclectic music.
10. She loved dogs and kids (maybe even in that order).

Please feel free to add to this list from your own memories in the comments link below...

Mindfulness: the strange similarity between Alzheimer's and Zen Buddhism

This is pieced together from an article in the LA Times magazine..

"Alzheimer's is a detaching disease. It detaches people from their memories, their selves. We can look at that as tragic and awful, or we can change the frame. Consider Zen Buddhism, which is all about clearing your mind, detaching from your thoughts, grounding yourself in the moment. Well, that's Alzheimer's. There is a story about a monk who spends part of each day raking the sand in a Zen garden. It is a simple, repetitive act and he does it in the same way every day. He loses himself in it. He lives in the moment. And we respect that. We see this man as enlightened. Just suppose we look at a person with Alzheimer's the same way. Those with Alzheimer's often perform simple repetitive acts. They can spend hours folding and refolding a napkin. They exist in that moment, that simple moment of folding a napkin. You can look at that and say "How Tragic" or you can look at that and recognize that they find pleasure and comfort in that simple act, that they are doing a chore mindfully. We have something to learn from people with Alzheimer's. Our extreme talkatively and excessive cognition limit our understanding of the world. Maybe people with Alzheimer's who have lost coherent speech and linear thought can take us to a place where emotion and feeling take precedence.ˇ